I have escaped the Grotto

I am in my office at the moment watching a man in a trunk of a car across the street. He is lying in the trunk with his leg hanging out. There is a parked car behind him with a hidden camera. I think the idea is to get people walking down Sunset Blvd to say "hey! wait a minute! there's a guy in the trunk!" and record the hilarity that ensues when the hidden camera jumps out. Rather hilariously, no one seems to notice.

Anyway, Christmas.

An altogether successful enterprise.: The Mozza Budino was good, but way too rich for the suggested serving size. I had to push myself to finish a serving, and that's saying a lot. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to make, and appears to be very forgiving recipe. Now if I can only figure out how to make it with skim milk...

The apple-calvados croustade was a real show-stopper. We used Nocino, a walnut liquer, instead of calvados. Rocked the house. And dont fear the filo - filo is your friend. I got distracted by work and the BLOODY TIGER ATTACK so probably ended up overcooking the apples. Didnt matter, it was still delightful.

I had a major breakthrough with my yorkshire pudding. I did not realize that you have to bring the ingredients up to room temperature so they rise properly. Mine was still not perfect, but well on the road to puddingy perfection.

I have to get back now to nursing my unhealthy paranoia of zoo animals escaping and killing me in my sleep.

And we wonder why they hate us

"Is France a country?"

See me. Fear me.

You cant stop me. I'm unstoppable. I'm the FOOD TERMINATOR.

This happy holiday season I will be attempting 3 feats:

Butterscotch Budino (the Pizzeria Mozza recipe)

Roast Prime Rib of Beef with porcini red wine sauce and yorkshire puddings

Apple Croustade

Not all for one meal. Give me a little credit.

Gratuitous Cute Pix

Awwwww.

LA works (sometimes)

There's an intersection in my neighborhood that makes me gasp every single day. Cars come careening off the Hollywood Freeway, or over the Cahuenga hill, or up from the Hollywood Bowl - all are blind approaches and there's only a stop sign to regulate it. We noticed last week that the powers that be have put up a new stoplight. Heartattack averted.

Why do I mention this incredibly boring little tidbit? I was thinking about my nutty neighborhood and thinking about all of the things that got fixed this year: Junkie Palace was cleaned out and turned into condos; new "no parking" signs have gone up so all the mullet-heads that pay $250 for a ticket to see Genesis at the Hollywood Bowl (yep, still irritated about that one) dont park in front of our garage anymore; they put in left hand turn lanes up and down Highland (the major road that runs from our house down to the Kodak Theater) so the traffic moves faster with less honking; and now the stoplight at Heartattack Corner. I got a minor warm fuzzy feeling that these things were getting accomplished. Of course, Iain points out that it took about 2 years for them to repair and rebuild another intersection in the neighborhood. But that's just sour grapes.

Its no mystery that in a town as car-based as this one, politicians have to pay serious attention to the road situation or risk intense public rebuke. I have been living in major cities for most of my adult life and have become used to the one thing that they all have in common is that they just dont WORK. You just have to accept that in exchange for living in a cultural capitol and/or where you can have saag paneer delivered at 10am or an Absolut Mandarin and cranberry at 4am, the things that irritate you are just never, ever going to get fixed. The crime is never going to get better. The traffic is never going to move faster. Your rent or mortgage is still going to make your family members spit their dinner out their mouth when you tell them how much it is. That's just the way it is. But these tiny changes in my neighborhood over the last year make me think that maybe I'm wrong. Or not. But worth thinking about.....

The Big One

I've had a week of company bonding events. I find them energizing and, at the same time, exhausting. Today, 2 scientists from Cal Tech came to discuss that perennial SoCal fave, earthquakes. They said that many people questioned scientists after Katrina and said, "you knew this was going to happen, why didnt you tell us?" So, they figure, we'll tell you.

To summarize: HOLY SHIT.

Here's the fun bits:
- Scientists cannot predict major earthquakes, but the one pattern they have seen is that a major earthquake occurs in SoCal every 150 years. The last one was 1857.
- The 1994 Northridge Earthquake is NOT considered a major earthquake, but 32 people died and $40 billion dollars worth of damage.
- Northridge was a 6.7 and lasted for 10 secs. The one they are expecting ANY DAY NOW is going to be 7.8 or above and last for 2-4 minutes.
- The scientists use a very technical term to describe the aftermath: REGIONAL CATASTROPHE.
- 21 million people live in the effected area. The San Andreas Fault where it will occur runs through some of the most populated and fastest growing areas in SoCal.
- All of LA's water, fuel, electricity, rail lines run through the Cajon Pass where the epicenter is likely to be. Early estimates say 7-10 days until water or electricity is restored if major hubs like the Port of LA is not damaged.
- The effect of the earthquake will likely be too big to drive out of the affected area. LA and the LA basin will likely be cut off from the north, so any aid would have to come from SD (if it is not damaged).
- If the earthquake happens during a Santa Ana wind season, the risk of fire is intense. There will be no water to fight subsequent fires and emergency services will be otherwise occupied.

BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE. Say it with me: I LOVE LA!

Why I Should Be President

I have more buzz than Barack Obama

I am only slightly less vicious than Hillary Clinton

I am less angry than John McCain

I am not NUTS like Mike Gravel

I do not wear magic underwear like Mitt Romney

I have never married my cousin or broken up with one of my 3 wives in a press conference like Rudy Giuliani

I believe in evolution unlike Mike Huckabee

I have never paid $400 for a haircut like John Edwards [full disclosure: if you add in hair color and products, then…]

I was never in “Curly Sue”, the low point of John Hughes’ career and that includes the “Home Alone” movies, like Fred Thompson.

I like meat and all the wonderful things animal products give me unlike Dennis Kucinich

I am more memorable than the rest of em.

Back in Black

I'm wearing black to mourn the death of my holiday, and because I have gained so much weight that I will be wearing black for the duration.

Thanksgiving starred our own little pork chop, Quinn the Mighty and Merciless. Dont let the adorable face fool you. He's a cold-blooded killer.

Iain and I went to the Oregon coast for a couple days after Thanksgiving, staying in Arch Cape near Cannon Beach and Manzanita. It was midweek after Thanksgiving so most everything was closed for the season, but that was ok. We holed up in our hotel room, watched movies and read. We also took a very inspiring hike through Oswald West State Park up to Cape Falcon. This guy has a beautiful picture that really captures the feeling of the area, except for the pouring, pouring rain we had. Actually it was lovely. But wet. The Oregon coast really is beautiful and very dramatic.

From the coast we headed into Portland to spend a fabulous weekend with the very glamorous couple, Meanboy and Bun. We did too many glamorous things to recount all here, but I will try.

Barely a day goes by that the New York Times fails to write yet another slobbery wet kiss to Portland. While we do not have the slavish devotion to the NYT that some people have (ahem.), we still opted to sample the city's culinary delights. Brief reviews:

Clyde Common: buzzy airy restaurant in a new boutique hotel downtown. I had the "red salad" of cabbage and razor clams as a starter and meaty gnocchi dish for main. The star was clearly Iain and Bun's Puttanesca which was bold and slutty just like its name. Waiter was impossibly trendy and very, very dopey.

Nostrano: Stellar pizza and wine on a rainy Portland day. Iain raved about his powerhouse of a soup. Meanie says if you ask to have your Italian-style pizza cut for you, they will rather haughtily decline. I experienced no such insolence, although our waiter here was a dope too.

Grand Central Bakery: Mmmm tuna melt with no mayo. And lots of lesbians.

Cacao: Truly an "only in Portland" kind of place. It is a coffee shop that serves fancy hot chocolates as its specialty. Billed as a European-style hot chocolate, but I found mine to be less thick and less intense than some I've had. Still a gorgeous place.

Le Pigeon: This is The Restaurant in town and the one the NYT keeps mentioning. The blurb from the overall bj:

He transformed a little storefront restaurant into Le Pigeon, an informal, slightly manic spot with seasonally changing, nonconformist dishes like braised pork belly with creamed corn and butter-poached prawns, sweetbreads with pickled watermelon, and just about anything that can possibly involve tongue. His signature dessert is apricot cornbread with bacon, topped with maple ice cream.

In short, we loved it. The place was awesome. I had sweetbreads to start - doesnt that just scream "GOUT" - and Pork Stuffed Pork to follow. The pork was porcine, but the sweetbreads rocked. Iain's Cod with Lobster Balls (*snicker) tasted totally rich (*surprise) unlike what you expect (*bland and white). Meanboy described his Beef Cheek Bourguignon as a "molasses brownie beef". That makes it sound slightly disgusting, but it wasnt. We passed on the fois gras profiteroles for dessert as I'd probably ingested enough entrails for one day. Meanboy and Bun's flourless chocolate cake with smoked marshmallow on graham cracker (smore, get it?) was the best dessert and only slightly strange.

But still, the best meals we had in Portland were the scones that Bun the Jazz Baker made us for breakfast (we had threatened to go to Costco and buy scones as big as your head) and the homemade ricotta gnocchi with fresh Oregon chanterelles, shitake, and Matsutaka mushrooms Meanboy made for dinner on our last night. Like I said, tooooooo glam for words.