Why I Should Be President

I have more buzz than Barack Obama

I am only slightly less vicious than Hillary Clinton

I am less angry than John McCain

I am not NUTS like Mike Gravel

I do not wear magic underwear like Mitt Romney

I have never married my cousin or broken up with one of my 3 wives in a press conference like Rudy Giuliani

I believe in evolution unlike Mike Huckabee

I have never paid $400 for a haircut like John Edwards [full disclosure: if you add in hair color and products, then…]

I was never in “Curly Sue”, the low point of John Hughes’ career and that includes the “Home Alone” movies, like Fred Thompson.

I like meat and all the wonderful things animal products give me unlike Dennis Kucinich

I am more memorable than the rest of em.