The Surge continues

No end in sight, indeed. If the Senate held hearings on my diet, then this is what they would say:

Gen David Petraeus: "Like Ambassador Crocker, I believe [Rachel's paunch] will require a long-term effort. There are no easy answers or quick solutions. And although we both believe this effort can succeed, it will take time."

Ryan Crocker, Amb to Iraq: "I do believe that [Rachel] has the will to tackle [her] pressing problems - although it will take longer than we originally anticipated because of the environment, [wine and chocolate], and the gravity of the issues before [her]."

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.: "Today it is possible to talk with real hope and optimism about the future of [Rachel's ass] and the outcome of her efforts there. For while the job of [making her ass smaller] is not finished, ...she's no longer staring into the abyss of defeat and we can now look ahead to the genuine prospect of [a trim ass]."

Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. : "The problem I have is if the definition of success is so high: no traces of [cellulite] and no possibility of reconstitution, a highly effective [workout program], Democratic multiethnic, multi-sectarian functioning [flat abs], ... then that portends the possibility of [her dieting] for 20 or 30 years. If, on the other hand, our criteria is a messy, sloppy [size 16] status quo but there's not, you know, huge outbreaks of [fried foods] ... that seems to me an achievable goal within a measurable timeframe."