Live London, Die Young

I leave for London tomorrow. I'll be there for 2 weeks to spend the holidays with Iain's family. I'm really excited.

People ask me if I miss London. The answer is yes, of course, but it is slightly more complicated than that. London is like my imaginary first serious boyfriend: I was totally crazy about him. he was wild and good looking in an offbeat way. All I wanted to do was spend time with him. But the longer we went out, the more I realized that he was probably not great for me: we partied a little too hard, he made me spend all my money, and after awhile he started to come between me and my family. I moved out and try not to think about him too much anymore.

And I'd probably take the scoundrel back in a second.

Hawaii Pix

(Without the pix of me in a bathing suit)

Thanksgiving Pix

Thanksgiving: A Review

The NYT had an article on Wednesday about how to run your Thanksgiving Dinner like a CEO (“'It starts with asking yourself, as the Thanksgiving chief architect, what is your vision for this day and this meal,' said Amy Edmondson, the Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management at Harvard Business School. ") If I manage at work the way I did the dinner last night...well...that explains a lot.

So the menu and the reviews:
Turkey: I tried the LATimes dry-brining recipe and let me tell you, dry-brining is the way forward. Totally juicy, totally firm/not fuzzy texture, tasty and and easy.

Mashed potatoes: An oversight. Lumpy.

Chestnut, Prune & Pancetta stuffing: Very tasty. Very good. Not good for you. Expertly executed by Executive VP of Thanksgiving, Laura.

Sunchoke Gratin: Easy and always a crowd pleaser.

Laura's Famous Pan-Roasted Brussel Sprouts: Love the little cabbagey-nuggets.

3-Day Turkey Gravy: I made the mistake of making the NYT "Turkey Gravy from Scratch" recipe. It was very good, but those are 3 days of my life I will never get back.

Rustic Apple Tarts: I almost ruined Thanksgiving with these freaking things. They sound easy, esp if you've bought the puff pastry, but there's plenty of opportunities to screw them up. Still, people were very indulgent and pretended like they liked them (after they scraped off the burnt bottom layer).

Pumpkin Spice Cake w Caramel Cream Cheese Frosting: Another star turn by Laura. I had another piece for breakfast this morning.

Wine: Laura brought a schmancy Ferrari-Carano Chardonnay which was yummy and really complimented the meal. I provided a St Supery Virtu - a white Meritage blend. That was slightly less successful.

All in all, a very enjoyable culinary outing. Pictures to come.

A breath of fresh airs, many airs

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Sciurophobia

I'm still scared of them. But this is cute.

The Silver Lining

I'm headed out on holiday to Hawaii today. There are a few silver linings to this giant hurricane cloud of economic doom hanging over us (aside from the sweet, sweet taste of schadenfreude) and one is that Hawaii is affordable. I'll try to post some pix of us at a volcano or making juvenile jokes about leis.

I watched our President-elect's press conference yday and noticed one of his advisors is the chairman of the board of my company. I have met him (the chairman) several times, including one memorable time in Davos when we were invited to dance with him, and he is quite possibly one of the coolest humans alive. He is a Republican, but apparently pulled a Joe Lieberman on McCain and supported O. Anyway, the 2 of them together in an administration might exceed nationally-recognized coolness limits - seriously I think if you took their body temperatures together they would not add up to 98.6.

The man has his own vineyard.

I rest my case.

Guest blogger: Laura the Badmother

A new feature: my sister is guest-blogging today while I recover from the election. Ladies and Gents, put your hands together for Laura the Badmother.

Yes - I am recovering from the Disney orgy otherwise known as Disney on Ice. After watching an ice skating performance no better than when Rachel used to ice skate, and people literally throwing up money to purchase piece of crap plastic toys that light up, I wondered where did I go wrong as a parent that I am actually paying money for my daughter to be corrupted even further by Disney princesses. Although watching a five year old high as a kite on $10 cotton candy (yes, you get a crap crown with ears too)saying, "How do they balance like that?" is a plus. On the car ride home, I began to ponder where my downward spiral into horrible mother began. Driving in the rain I began to plan my redemption. I was going to take Soph out of public school, enroll her in Waldorf, sign her up to volunteer in a soup kitchen, and god forbid, join a church. My plans were interrupted by a voice from the 2nd row seat of the minivan. Sophia then said that if she were one of the Incredibles and she was able to have a super power she would pick the power "to make people's boo-boos go away."

Well - I must be doing something right. Good - I can't afford Waldorf anyway.

OMG OMG Election Fever!

I'm about to hyperventilate. I cant believe its almost over. I mailed my ballot yday and almost teared up. I need a holiday.

Anyway

Just got back from work trip to NYC. The election night set is gigantasaurus. I thought at first that it must be bigger than my apartment, but OF COURSE it is bigger than my apartment. Actually, it is so large, it is bigger than my last 3 apartments combined. If I liked the red white and blue color scheme more, I might ask to live there in lieu of my dwinding 401k. I could sleep under the exit poll desk, and put the kitchen in under the magic map. Wolf & Anderson would drop by every 2 years between the hours of 5p and 10p for a drink and a chat about politics.

I had a lovely dinner with my mom who happened to be in town. We ate a grownup restaurant called Dovetail on the Upper West Side. I was so broke the entire time I lived in NYC, but I imagined that people with real jobs who made real money ate at places like this. All tasteful neutrals on the walls and truffles on the plate. We ordered the tasting menu. Most of the food was very good (mmm brussell sprout, apple, pancetta & manchego salad and house smoked salmon wrapped around wasabi panna cotta amuse bouche) and some weak (grilled lobster and grapefruit appetizer and prime rib). Didnt rock my world, but a really nice dinner.

Other non-work distractions: I had coffee w Q (he's ok), and tromped out to Brooklyn in the pouring rain to meet the brand new Ben Kafka (he's cute). I guessed that the neighborhood has changed somewhat since I lived there, but WOW has it changed. There's a WINE BAR for chrissakes.

NY can sometimes feel like a Wes Anderson movie. Driving in from JFK, I had a Haitian cab driver listening to a radio show featuring Quebecois sea shanties. Seriously.

Rachel's Rules for Debt-Free Living

As of today, I am officially free of credit card debt. I still have a Kirsti-Alley-on-a weeklong-donut-binge-size mortgage on my flat in London, but still. I consider paying off my credit cards a major achievement. Forget Suze Orman, or any of those other money witch doctors: here are a couple of the crucial rules that helped free me of my credit card debt.

1. Dont buy shit. Dont buy "shit" as in crappy crap that you dont need and "shit" in the sense of dont buy anything at all, ever. Its hard, but you get used to it.
2. Marry a husband that can live off air and the flesh of small insects if the need arises. It helps that he (occasionally) has a job, but the fact that he doesnt seem to have any material desires whatsoever is helpful.
3. Make your parents pay for college. I did, and it works. It helped that I didnt get into any of the horrifyingly expensive private colleges I applied to and was forced to go to a state school, but now I'm just quibbling. They paid, and I came out of college able to wait long enough to get a job I actually like and pays me a fair amount of money. Which brings me to number 4.
4. Get a job that pays you a fair amount of money. Its nice to be a community organizer, but Obama was a community organizer and he's never been able to live it down. Become a banker. At least when you get laid off, you'll get a golden parachute.

Bob

I wish I had a dog. A French Bulldog. I would name him Robert Downey Jr. and we would call him Bob for short.

These are funny (click here)

I dont want to lose you

So, dear reader, it has been awhile...

I got busy at work, had to travel, but that's really just an excuse.

This election is overwhelming in so many ways: every day I go to work and every day the story is wilder and weirder and faster than when I went to bed. You could not script this stuff. Truth is, indeed, much, much stranger than fiction. The election was given to us by the News Gods, but now please stop the world because I would like to get off (for a little while, at least).

Then, as if the election isnt enough to keep even a serious case of ADD in check, then comes a global financial meltdown. And Madonna is getting a divorce! The sky really is falling!

I cant keep up. And more importantly, I probably shouldnt. My esteemed employer has some pretty strict rules about what I can talk about in the public sphere and they tend to be quite religious (if you forgive the phrase) about enforcing them. I like my job. I like my health insurance. I like my (ever-dwindling) 401k. So I cant really talk about what I think of this insane election. The meltdown has become pretty politicized as well, so prob should not talk about that either (although I do think the Bailout was a fundamental failure of democracy, but I mean that in a populist, Lou Dobbsian, I-hate-everyone-equally kind of way. So sue me.). With all the really important, really heavy things going on in the world at the moment, I felt a little Marie Antoinette-y writing about a nice restaurant we went to for my bday (Hatfields) or the latest tv (Korto should have won "Project Runway") or my latest fabulous/glamorous holiday (er, none).

Anyway, it has become clear to me that the world is going to continue being weird so that should probably not stand in the way of my totally inane ramblings. So I'm back. Sort of.

Pass the cupcakes.

Hunkering Down

Still here.

The hurricane is moving in, so I'm working the weekend. That will put a crimp on exploring Atlanta's substantial charms, but hey I'm here to work.

At least my hotel is nice - nice gym, nice pool, a kitchen etc. Plus, it is, apparently, a hot spot. Every night when I get home the parking lot is full of Bentleys and Ferraris and the bar is crowded with professional athletes - or at least I assume they are professional athletes because they are GINORMOUS. Lots and lots of very gigantic men with little drinks in their oversized paws and women who would benefit from a proper bra fitting because the cup sizes appear to be too small for them.

I'm in Atlanta

I'm pouting.

You will notice my new, company-mandated disclaimer at the top. Obviously, the only interesting thing to talk about this week is politics, and I cannot. So I'm going to pout. If you want my analysis of her speech last night, email me and I'll send it to you, but remember: the views contained within are simply my personal views and not the views of my employer. I am ostensibly a journalist and have no real personal views. Ever and ever amen.

I watched, despite myself, the new 90210. Horrifying. The female actresses are so painfully thin, they make the women of Gossip Girl look zaftig. Plus they are all kitted out in tank tops and hot pants the whole time so I was forced to look at their chicken arms. Yuck. I made it to the point where the bobblehead with the big teeth got angry/upset/indigestion at the bobblehead with the heroin-addict eyes before I started hoping that some creature from a Guillermo del Toro movie would land on the boy(?i think?) bobblehead and munch on an eyeball. Yucky. And how the HELL did that kid who was so amazing on The Wire drop into this. Fire your agent, kid.

I am headed to SF tomorrow morn to meet up with the inestimable Verna. She is there for some emergency medicine conference, I am there for the burritos. We are having dinner at the Zuni Cafe on Saturday, so I can find out if my roast chicken has reached the heady heights.

Then I soldier on to the Mothership, arriving just before what looks like a major hurricane is supposed to hit the eastern seabord. I will require constant infusions of pep talkery, so please give generously.

Meet The Blueberry

Our new toy!! Our new Smart Car finally came in and I've been making it feel at home. When I drove it around LA this weekend, people waved at me like I was a parade float and came up to me in parking lots to ask about the car. It definitely makes people (and me) smile.

The ride is a bit rougher than I remembered from the test drive, and it has the acceleration of an angry golf cart, but it is better on the hills and has a lot higher clearance than the Prius. Gas mileage is roughly the same (Prius is marginally better). I was too nervous the first few days to take it on the Big Bad LA Highways, but actually it is just fine. Because you sit so high in the car, you can look all the SUV and monster truck drivers in the eye so they can see you much better. I did get it up to 80 on the I-10 last night. Once it gets going, the Blueberry can shift.

Funny that I started out my driving life about 20 years ago with Blue Thunder, a gigantic 1973 Pontiac Catalina given to me by my Grandpa Jack. It was royal blue - almost the exact same color as the Blueberry - with a white leather interior vs. the Blueberry's black leather interior. And Blue Thunder didnt have satellite navigation and an ipod dock.

In other news, Iain looks like he will be back from the desert in mid-September, earlier than we thought, so that's good. I am meeting Verna in SF this weekend, and then I'm off to Hotlanta for 2 weeks for work. I always seem to land in Atlanta during hurricane season. Hopefully the windows on my hotel room wont blow out this time.

Facebook has eaten my creativity

I'm having a hard time budgeting my time around work, Facebook, and blog. I was hoping Facebook would dwindle in popularity like MySpace and I could go back to my nice quiet life. Sigh. More to come....

Laura's Dinner Night: A Review

I’ve been busy since I got back, so haven’t had time to review my vacation for y’all. I’m sure you are on tenterhooks, so here goes.

I started in Sacramento at my sister’s. Laura and her friends have a rotating dinner club where each couple makes dinner for the others on the first Saturday of each month. It’s a great idea, and Laura apparently makes the most of the opportunity everytime her turn comes round. Her past themes have been classic French feast and Greek home cooking, while her friends have gone with Make-Your-own Pizza night and Classic American BBQ (for July 4th, natch). Chuck’s garden and the bountiful Sacramento farmers markets are in almost-full glory, so she chose a “home farm” theme.

The menu:

Cheese plate w figs and black olive tapenade
Chuck’s stuffed zucchini blossoms (from his garden!)
Rachel’s fried green tomatoes
Grilled Flank Steak w Watermelon-chili relish
Zucchini fettucine
Israeli couscous and quinoa “risotto” w roasted vegetables
Peach blueberry & amaretti crisp.

The zucchini blossoms were, of course, a massive hit, as was the flank steak. We probably made way too much of the watermelon relish, but it was great w the steak anyway. A friend of Laura’s brought some really delicious French wines that were a great complement to the spicy steak and the full-flavored accompaniments. I had a ball sous chef-ing for Laura and even if the food had been wack, it was still worth the effort. A very pleasant evening.


Next: Our intrepid heroine heads north to the wilds of Southern Oregon…and finds roasted quail bliss!

I havent forgotten you...

Apologies for delay in posting. I can feel my loyal readers ebbing away. I was out of town and since I have been back I've found myself unusually busy. All that time spent thinking inappropriate thoughts about the US Men's Swim team really steals the hours out of a girl's day. Seriously. I am one very small step away from posting pictures of Jason Lezak and Aaron Peirsol in my locker. If I had a locker. Or whatever. xxoo Jason: Call me.

Anyway.

My birthday festivities: dinner at Chichen Itza with some friends and then, fortified by cochinita pibil, drinks at Mountain Bar. A very enjoyable, if a little random, evening. Chichen Itza is a foodie Mexican place that specializes in Yucatecan cuisine. It was surprisingly good. The restaurant is near MacArthur Park, which meant I was not allowed a birthday cake because -- wait for it -- someone left it out in the rain. I dont think that I can take it. Because it took so long to bake it.

Anyway.

I will have a more full review of my holiday later on, but I leave you with this one pearl of joy....

Take Your Sophie to Work Day

Part of my continuing effort to bring Sophie out of her shell, she accompanied me to Take A Kid to Work Day. Poor shy, retiring thing.

(Click on album to see the evidence)

Take Your Sophie To Work Day

My weekend with the moderately-priced stars

An eventful weekend.

Saturday I got my hair cut and who was in the chair next to me? None other than Shia LaBoeuf. He appeared to be entirely sober at the time. Later: X-Files (my review: Meh.) and dinner at Gingergrass Cafe (mmmm love Vietnamese summer rolls)later w my Home Slice. Who should jump in front of us in the queue for a table? None other than John C Reilly. Very cute and fluffy (big hair) in person, but I was really hungry. Jumping was uncool.

Sunday a lovely brunch at Matt and Rachel's - bagels & lox and farmer's market fruit. I brought my hash brown casserole and I'm happy to report that not one ingredient was not from a bag or can.

Sunday night we went w Shana, Peg, and Erica to the Gnarls Barkley concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Shana works there now and scored us front-row middle seats. It might just ruin me for live music forever. Once I've sat there...how can I be content with nosebleed seats anymore? Anyway, both Gnarls and the opening band, a Senegalese singer name Fallou Dieng, were FAB. Pix below.

Dave's Best of 2007 List

My Brooklyn friend Dave puts out a yearly Best-Of music list and I pass 2007's on for your enjoyment. Past lists have run as much as a couple years behind, but iTunes has obviously improved his productivity.

Obsessive? Nahhhhh

THE TOP 40 ALBUMS OF 2007

1. JENS LEKMAN - Night Falls Over Kortedala (Service Sweden/Secretly Canadian)
2. VARIOUS ARTISTS - I’m Not There Original Soundtrack (Sony)
3. AMY WINEHOUSE - Back To Black (Island UK ‘06/Universal Republic)
4. LCD SOUNDSYSTEM - Sound Of Silver (DFA/Capitol)
5. VIC CHESNUTT - North Star Deserter (Constellation)
6. KANYE WEST - Graduation (Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam)
7. JARVIS COCKER - Jarvis (Rough Trade)
8. ELLIOTT SMITH - New Moon (Kill Rock Stars)
9. M.I.A. - Kala (XL/Interscope)
10. NEW MODEL ARMY - High (Attack Attack)
11. ELECTRELANE - No Shouts No Calls (Too Pure)
12. GRINDERMAN - Grinderman (Mute/Anti-)
13. EL-P - I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead (Definitive Jux)
14. EMMA POLLOCK - Watch The Fireworks (4AD)
15. DINOSAUR JR. - Beyond (Fat Possum)
16. THE TWILIGHT SAD - Fourteen Autumns & Fifteen Winters (FatCat)
17. KRISTIN HERSH - Learn To Sing Like A Star (Yep Roc)
18. BABYSHAMBLES - Shotter’s Nation (Regal/Parlophone/EMI UK/Astralwerks)
19. BILL CALLAHAN - Woke On A Whaleheart (Drag City)
20. ST. VINCENT - Marry Me (Beggars Banquet)
21. THURSTON MOORE - Trees Outside The Academy (Ecstatic Peace!)
22. ROBERT WYATT - Comicopera (Domino)
23. MAXIMO PARK - Our Earthly Pleasures (Warp)
24. SPOON - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Merge)
25. RICHARD HAWLEY - Lady’s Bridge (Mute)
26. WILCO - Sky Blue Sky (Nonesuch)
27. ARCADE FIRE - Neon Bible (Merge)
28. SHARON JONES & THE DAP-KINGS - 100 Days, 100 Nights (Daptone)
29. RICHARD THOMPSON - Sweet Warrior (Shout Factory)
30. EDWYN COLLINS - Home Again (Heavenly/EMI UK)
31. ELVIS PERKINS - Ash Wednesday (XL)
32. RILO KILEY - Under The Blacklight (Warner)
33. THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS - Challengers (Matador)
34 THE CLIENTELE - God Save The Clientele (Merge)
35. OAKLEY HALL - I’ll Follow You (Merge)
36. MODEST MOUSE - We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank (Epic)
37. BLONDE REDHEAD - 23 (4AD)
38. THE WHITE STRIPES - Icky Thump (Third Man/Warner)
39. MARY WEISS - Dangerous Game (Norton)
40. ARTHUR & YU - In Camera (Hardly Art)


THE TOP 100 SONGS OF 2007

1. Paper Planes - M.I.A. Kala (XL/Interscope)
2. Icky Thump - THE WHITE STRIPES Icky Thump (Third Man/Warner)
3. Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time - JARVIS COCKER Jarvis (Rough Trade)
4. Beautiful Girls - SEAN KINGSTON Sean Kingston (Beluga Heights/Koch/Epic)
5. North American Scum - LCD SOUNDSYSTEM Sound Of Silver (DFA/Capitol)
6. Almost Ready - DINOSAUR JR. Beyond (Fat Possum)
7. No Pussy Blues - GRINDERMAN Grinderman (Mute/Anti-)
8. A Postcard To Nina - JENS LEKMAN Night Falls Over Kortedala
(Service Sweden/Secretly Canadian)
9. Rehab - AMY WINEHOUSE Back To Black (Island UK ‘06/Universal Republic)
10. Just As You Are - ROBERT WYATT Comicopera (Domino)
11. If This Ain’t Love (Don’t Know What Is) - NICOLE WILLIS & THE SOUL
INVESTIGATORS Keep Reachin’ Up (Light In the Attic)
12. Someone Great - LCD SOUNDSYSTEM Sound Of Silver (DFA/Capitol)
13. Debriefing - VIC CHESNUTT North Star Deserter (Constellation)
14. The Opposite Of Hallelujah - JENS LEKMAN Night Falls Over Kortedala
(Service Sweden/Secretly Canadian)
15. Stronger - KANYE WEST Graduation (Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam)
16. To The East - ELECTRELANE No Shouts No Calls (Too Pure)
17. Sugarbaby - KRISTIN HERSH Learn To Sing Like A Star (Yep Roc)
18. High - NEW MODEL ARMY High (Attack Attack)
19. Budos Rising - THE BUDOS BAND The Budos Band II (Daptone)
20. Keep The Car Running - ARCADE FIRE Neon Bible (Merge)
21. I’m Not There - SONIC YOUTH I’m Not There Original Soundtrack (Sony)
22. Tonight I Have To Leave It - SHOUT OUT LOUDS Our Ill Wills (Bud Fox Sweden/Merge)
23. Myriad Harbour - THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS Challengers (Matador)
24. Young Folks - PETER BJORN AND JOHN Writer’s Block
(V2 Scandinavia ‘06/Almost Gold)
25. Our Velocity - MAXIMO PARK Our Earthly Pleasures (Warp)
26. Grip Like A Vice - THE GO! TEAM Proof Of Youth (Memphis Industries UK/Sub Pop)
27. Fluorescent Adolescent - ARCTIC MONKEYS Favourite Worst Nightmare (Domino)
28. The Underdog - SPOON Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Merge)
29. Can’t Tell Me Nothing - KANYE WEST Graduation (Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam)
30. Take Care The Road You Choose - RICHARD THOMPSON Sweet Warrior
(Shout Factory)
31. Tasmanian Pain Coaster - EL-P I’ll Sleep When You’re Dead (Definitive Jux)
32. Shake It Off - WILCO Sky Blue Sky (Nonesuch)
33. Lip Gloss - LIL MAMA 12" single (Jive)
34. Here Comes The Phantom - THE CLIENTELE God Save The Clientele (Merge)
35. 23 - BLONDE REDHEAD 23 (4AD)
36. Goin’ To Acapulco - JIM JAMES & CALEXICO I’m Not There Original Soundtrack (Sony)
37. Take Me To The Riot - STARS In Our Bedroom After The War (Arts & Crafts)
38. He Keeps Me Alive - SALLY SHAPIRO Disco Romance (Diskokaine Austria/Paper Bag)
39. If Silence Means That Much To You - EMMA POLLOCK Watch The Fireworks (4AD)
40. Ex-Guru - THE FIERY FURNACES Widow City (Thrill Jockey)
41. Hatchet - LOW Drums And Guns (Sub Pop)
42. All Cleaned Out - ELLIOTT SMITH New Moon (Kill Rock Stars)
43. Walking For Two Hours - THE TWILIGHT SAD Fourteen Autumns & Fifteen Winters
(FatCat)
44. Diamond Dancer - BILL CALLAHAN Woke On A Whaleheart (Drag City)
45. Valentine - RICHARD HAWLEY Lady’s Bridge (Mute)
46. Tears Dry On Their Own - AMY WINEHOUSE Back To Black
(Island UK ‘06/Universal Republic)
47. Umbrella - RIHANNA FEATURING JAY-Z Good Girl Gone Bad (SRP/Def Jam)
48. Carry On Up the Morning - BABYSHAMBLES Shotter’s Nation
(Regal/Parlophone/EMI UK/Astralwerks)
49. 100 Days, 100 Nights - SHARON JONES & THE DAP-KINGS 100 Days, 100
Nights (Daptone)
50. Earth Intruders - BJORK Volta (Atlantic)
51. Lionkiller - CASS MCCOMBS Dropping The Writ (Domino)
52. Now, Now - ST. VINCENT Marry Me (Beggars Banquet)
53. Familj - DUNGEN Tio Bitar (Subliminal Sounds Sweden/Kemado)
54. Down Boy - YEAH YEAH YEAHS Is Is (Dress Up/Interscope)
55. Frozen Gtr - THURSTON MOORE Trees Outside The Academy (Ecstatic Peace!)
56. Make A Plan To Love Me - BRIGHT EYES Cassadaga (Saddle Creek)
57. The Rhinohead - VON SUDENFED Tromatic Reflexxions (Domino)
58. Nothin No - DAVID VANDERVELDE The Moonstation House Band (Secretly Canadian)
59. Heartbreak - CELEBRATION The Modern Tribe (4AD)
60. Box - TOKYO POLICE CLUB Smith (Paper Bag)
61. Ordinary People - NEIL YOUNG Chrome Dreams II (Reprise)
62. Dashboard - MODEST MOUSE We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank (Epic)
63. An End Has A Start - EDITORS An End Has A Start (Epic/Kitchenware/Fader)
64. Do I Disappoint You - RUFUS WAINWRIGHT Release The Stars (Geffen)
65. Absurd Heroes Manifestos - ARTHUR & YU In Camera (Hardly Art)
66. Melody Day - CARIBOU Andorra (Merge)
67. Kookaburra - JOHN VANDERSLICE Emerald City (Barsuk)
68. White Hole - CHRISTINA ROSENVINGE Continental 62 (Smells Like)
69. Fake Empire - THE NATIONAL Boxer (Beggars Banquet)
70. Mobile Communication - BRAKESBRAKESBRAKES The Beatific Visions (Rough Trade)
71. Phantom Limb - THE SHINS Wincing The Night Away (Sub Pop)
72. For Reverend Green - ANIMAL COLLECTIVE Strawberry Jam (Domino)
73. Walk Around - GHOSTFACE KILLAH The Big Doe Rehab (Def Jam)
74. While You Were Sleeping - ELVIS PERKINS Ash Wednesday (XL)
75. Bomb.Repeat.Bomb. - TED LEO AND THE PHARMACISTS Living With The Living
(Touch And Go)
76. Ruby - KAISER CHIEFS Yours Truly, Angry Mob (B-Unique UK/Universal Motown)
77. 15 Step - RADIOHEAD In Rainbows (self-released)
78. Stop And Think It Over - MARY WEISS Dangerous Game (Norton)
79. Silver Lining - RILO KILEY Under The Blacklight (Warner)
80. Free Radicals Lament - OAKLEY HALL I’ll Follow You (Merge)
81. Livin’ In The Future - BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN Magic (Columbia)
82. Home Again - EDWYN COLLINS Home Again (Heavenly/EMI UK)
83. In The Human World - MAGNOLIA ELECTRIC CO. Sojourner (Secretly Canadian)
84. Wonderlust King - GOGOL BORDELLO Super Taranta! (Side One Dummy)
85. No One - ALICIA KEYS As I Am (J)
86. Civil War - JOE HENRY Civilians (Anti-)
87. The Songs That We Sing - CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG 5:55
(Because Music France/Vice)
88. Threshold Apprehension - BLACK FRANCIS Bluefinger (Cooking Vinyl)
89. Pump Up The Volume - ART BRUT It’s A Bit Complicated
(Banana/Fierce Panda UK/Downtown)
90. Seize The Day - ADAM FRANKLIN Bolts Of Melody (Hi-Speed Soul)
91. Wolves - PHOSPHORESCENT Pride (Dead Oceans)
92. The Past Is A Grotesque Animal - OF MONTREAL Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?
(Polyvinyl)
93. Business Time - FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS The Distant Future (Sub Pop)
94. There She Goes Again - RICHARD LLOYD The Radiant Monkey (Parasol)
95. The Dance - P.G. SIX Slightly Sorry (Drag City)
96. Harvest (Within You) - CLINIC Visitations (Domino UK ‘06)
97. Push - PHAROAHE MONCH FEATURING SHOWTYME, MELA MACHINKO &
TOWER OF POWER Desire (SRC/Universal Motown)
98. Green Fields - THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE QUEEN The Good, The Bad And The Queen (Parlophone/EMI UK/Virgin)
99. You Can’t Hold The Hand Of A Rock And Roll Man - OKKERVIL RIVER The Stage Names (Jagjaguwar)
100.1234 - FEIST The Reminder (Cherrytree/Interscope)


The Top 10 EPs Of 2007

1. YEAH YEAH YEAHS - Is Is (Dress Up/Interscope)
2. TOKYO POLICE CLUB - Smith (Paper Bag)
3. FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS - The Distant Future (Sub Pop)
4. BEIRUT - Lon Gisland (Ba Da Bing!)
5. THE WOMBATS - The Wombats (KIDS In America)
6. ARCTIC MONKEYS - Brianstorm (Domino)
7. BRITISH SEA POWER - Krankenhaus? (Rough Trade)
8. MATT POND PA - If You Want Blood (Altitude)
9. LAVENDER DIAMOND - The Cavalry Of Light (Matador)
10. DEERHUNTER - Fluorescent Grey EP (Kranky)

A Surprising Discovery

As previously mentioned, Laura & Co were visiting Los Angeles last week. We had loads of fun. They went to Disneyland and we went to the beach a couple times. Quinn was grumpier than Christina Aguilera without her makeup, but he warmed up a bit as the week went on. I made a surprising discovery about Sophie.

My 5-year old niece is a middle-aged gay man.

The evidence: She is obsessed with Project Runway. We played Project Runway (it is a game, apparently) and tried to find designer creations in my kid-unfriendly closet. She informed me that "I dont wear black" and "I need something with more sparkle". She played Heidi Klum and told me my model-walk was "too hippy". Also, she wants to see "Mamma Mia". I rest my case.

This is what it is like to work in television

Iain used to keep this quote on his bulletin board in London. It is about the film industry, but applies to television as well.

"The film studio of today is really the Palace of the 16th century. There one sees what Shakespeare saw; the absolute power of the tyrant, the courtiers, the flatterers, the jesters, the cunningly ambitious intriguers. There are fantastically beautiful women, there are incompetent favorites. There are great men who are suddenly disgraced. There is the most insane extravagance and unexpected parsimony over a few pence. There is enormous splendor, which is a sham; and also horrible squalor hidden behind the scenery. There are vast schemes, abandoned because of some caprice. There are secrets which everybody knows and no one speaks of. There are even two or three honest advisers. These are the court fools, who speak the deepest wisdom in puns, lest they should be taken seriously. They grimace, and tear their hair privately, and weep"

From Christopher Isherwood’s Prater Violet

The Nippers are In Da House

The Butler Brood has arrived Chez Nous. We have lots of fun activities planned for the kids, like the Knife-Sharpening Challenge, Guess Auntie Rachel's Favorite Swear Word, and Quarters using the leftover Vodka from the Wedding Party. Good times.

Pictures to come.

Pimped-out Smart Car

We came perilously close to buying this car on Saturday. How freaking cute is it?! Its a pimped-out Smart Car, which is too hilarious. We also saw "Wall-E", which was extraordinary. Seriously, see it. To all of you with kids, I'd be interested to hear if you think kids like it and why - whether they are just responding to the cute robot or if they get any part of the message.

Fun with Pomegranates

Pomegranates seem everywhere now. They are like sundried tomatoes were in the 90s. Iain and I went to a new-ish neighborhood restaurant called Melograno ("pomegranate" in Italian) last night. I walk by the place everyday on my way to work and decided to give it a whirl.

The room is lovely! Totally faded-old-Hollywood look. You want a place like this in your neighborhood. One slight problem: beautiful patio butts up against a horrific Mexican bar playing Ashlee Simpson at top volume (yes, I'm mortified I could identify the song) so sitting on the patio is not as wonderful as it could be. Service friendly and seems knowledgeable. Great menu. Want to love this place. Iain starts with the asparagus soup and I start with pasta appetizer of barolo braised hare with pomegranate reduction on angel hair. The soup is dreadful. Iain, who would eat styrofoam if it had redeeming nutritional value, says it lacks "seasoning". Yeah, no shit. The angel hair is an explosion of flavor, but I'm not sure I like it. Actually, I dont dislike it, but its pretty odd - almost Asian-y. I opt for the Salmon special main - the fish is lovely, but the braised japanese eggplant served with it..yep there's that pomegranate again. They sure like the sweet/savory thing here. Iain has the nettle gnocchi. He doesnt like it - it is too distinctive tasting. I like the gnocchi, but I cant imagine eating a whole plate of them. Probably would have been better to mix them with normal gnocchi to soften it a bit. Dessert: vanilla hazelnut panna cotta which I love, Iain is lukewarm.

I really wanted to like this place, but not sure. It is probably a little too expensive to become our neighborhood place we go to on a Friday night. We will definitely try it again because our shabby little neighborhood needs more warm restaurants like this where the servers wear clothes and the clientele isnt off their face on 3 different kinds of intoxicants.

Intoxicants like my world-famous pomegranate punch....

More Adventures with my Imaginary Friends

If Angelina Jolie and I were best friends....

When she can convince Brad to take the kids, she comes with Peg and I to the Mountain Bar in Chinatown for a gay water and a boogie. Most of the time, we have to hang out at her house because of all the nippers. She adores Drew Barrymore movies ("everyone always thinks I'm so serious!"), but if I have to watch "Never Been Kissed" again I'm going to vom. She's trying to convince me to do that hot yoga shit with her, but I tried that with Joanna and nearly passed out. Brad and Iain talk architecture, and Angie asked Iain to design her next tattoo. Good times.

The Reason Why Soccer Isnt Big in America

So our cocktail party on Saturday night was fun. I did not make Panty Dropper Punch as promised, and instead made the slightly tamer Pomegranate Champagne Punch. It worked.

An interesting argument made by one of the attendees: we were talking about the Euro 2008 finals on Sunday and how Americans dont recognize the full majesty of this historic occasion blah blah blah...i.e. why do Americans not like soccer? I tried to make some watery bullshit argument that loads of kids play soccer in the US so it must be gaining traction. To which he responded, loads of GIRLS play soccer in the US. "Women DO NOT PLAY football". He argues Americans are inherently sexist, so any sport that women are good at will inevitably fail in the US. Hmmm.

Incidentally, the game was awesome. I am currently shopping for my new Fernando Torres jersey.

A Curse on all Bees

I was stung by a belligerent bee, and now I'm pissed. My arm is red and swelling. I am, happy to report, still breathing and not anaphlyactic. But still, I'm pissed. Honey is just sugar for pussies. And pollination is overrated.

Annnnyway, Iain has decided we are having people over on Saturday for drinks in an attempt to drain the ocean of leftover alcohol moldering in our basement. I am going to attempt a cocktail called Panty Dropper Punch which involves tequila and Red Bull. KIDDING. I'll probably make some grilled marinated chicken thighs, grilled sweet potatoes with lime, and watermelon feta salad. I'm harassing Joanna again for her old-fashioned potato salad recipe. Hers is the best I've had. I will also make my show-stopping, knock your socks off, peach and blueberry amaretti crisp.

Or maybe I'll just drink an entire bottle of white wine before people show up and order pizza.

Have a good weekend!

Hotter than the surface of the sun

Great quote about LA from 1939 John Fante novel "Ask the Dust"

"You'll eat hamburgers year after year and live in dusty vermin-infested apartments and hotels, but every morning you'll see the mighty sun, the eternal blue of the sky, and the streets frull of sleek women you never will possess, and the hot semi-tropical nights will reek of romance you'll never have, but you'll still be in paradise, boys, in the land of sunshine."

Storm's Pictures

The funniest part is those pictures of Sonia, Meanboy, and me were taken early in the night because it is still bright out!

I Am An Extraordinary Machine

Iain and I went car shopping this weekend. We are not really in the position to buy one yet, but wanted to scope out the options. One thing is very clear: I am not really a car person. Honestly, I dont really care that much about the pure chrome spinning rims or whatever. I get anxious driving or parking a nice car, and I get nervous paying a lot for gas or loan payments. That said, I like my conveniences and I find random cars kind of soulless. That narrows our options.

Assuming gas prices stay constant, Iain will probably continue to drive the Prius since he has to commute the furthest. I walk to work now, although that is going to get very difficult in a few weeks due to the heat, so I will probably be the primary driver. I just want something kind of cheap but cute and great mileage.

Yesterday we looked at Smart Cars and Minis. Love love them both. The Minis are obviously a lot more stylish and zippier, but I'm sold on the Smart Car. Seriously: it is very comfortable, very cheap, and super cute. It drives like a tonka toy, but I dont really care. It would be the perfect second car. Unfortunately, I'm not the only person who thinks so. There is a 1 to 1 1/2 year wait list - isnt that nuts? We dont need one now anyway since Iain will be in New Mexico for most of the rest of the year (btw: 120F at White Sands yday!) but sounds like my supercute little Smart Car will need to wait.

BTW2: I'm loving all things Ting Ting these days. "That's Not My Name" reminds me of "Hey Yeah" for some reason. I've never really been a massive Fiona Apple fan - never bought that whole "damaged scary girl" schtick she's selling - but heard "I Am An Extraordinary Machine" on the radio this weekend and it might just unseat "That's Not My Name" as my new favorite song.

Kevin Garnett should be my friend

I think if he met me, we would be best friends. I would tease him about his crazy goatee, and he would ask me about the latest Obama-McCain poll numbers. When he's in LA, he'd come over on Friday night and watch Battlestar Galactica with us (he HATES Gaius) and sometimes we'd get takeout Sushi from Shintaro. I'd go visit him in Boston and he will take me to all of his favorite bars to meet his Boston friends. Sigh.

The Awesomest Picture Ever

Gratuitously cute picture of Quinn

Taken by Claire Bowden, Iain's brother Jamie's girlfriend.

Haikus with Peg

Peg's tshirt:
My haiku for Peg upon learning said tshirt is for sale on the web:

Thank you for message
I am going to buy t shirt
Snort snort snort snort snort

Her haiku response:

awesometown my friend
but now i must bounce already
bounce, BOUNCE, i say girl!

Where the buffalo play...

Above are the flowers Iain sent me yesterday. It was our first anniversary, which may come as a mild surprise to everyone who came to our "wedding" 2 weeks ago. He has a cold and we are a little celebrated-out, but I made a nice special dinner that he enjoyed. We had a lovely bottle Elias Pinot Noir given to us by my Uncle Mike for the real wedding, the one last year (keep up, people). I made Bison Stroganoff - if you have never had bison, jump in! It is extremely lean and has a nice meaty taste that is not gamey at all but you have to be careful to not overcook it because it is so lean. It really worked the lovely mushroom and sour cream sauce. The dish was, not unlike our relationship, a bit odd but very enjoyable nonetheless.

Top Cheftastic

Only 2 short days until the Top Chef finale! This season of TC might be my favorite - most of them actually seem like they can cook and the challenges have been slightly less ridiculous than usual (I still havent really forgiven the producers for the veggie loaf with Squirt soda sauce last season). For those of you that havent been watching, a quick update:

2 Front runners: Stephanie: totally unflappable sweet woman from Chicago who cooks steady American food. Richard: good-natured chef from Atlanta with a ridiculous fauxhawk. He started out the season using flashy gastrotech crap like handheld mini-smokers and now just seems to do normal American food.

Other: Lisa: boo! hiss! villainous hideous evil woman seen above! and a bad cook! always accusing the other chefs of sabotaging her! how is she still in and not Antonia??? gag me with a handheld mini-smoker!

Dont call me on Wednesday. I'll be busy.

Thank you

So. I'm back.

Back, but I'm still recovering. Actually that's not entirely fair: "recovering" makes it sound like I have some exotic phlegm-causing virus. I am doing what every other person does when they take a week off: not showering very often and watching endless "Law & Order" reruns on TNT. Iain tried to salvage what was left of The Surge and brought the extra cupcakes to work. I'm sure that made him more popular at work, but it didnt make him more popular around here.

Meanboy asked me to try and be sincere, so here goes: WOW. That was fun. I had such an amazing time. I think that everything went off almost completely without a hitch (Maroon 5-gate and The Doorless Shuttle notwithstanding). I am so lucky to have a wonderful man like Iain and wonderful family and friends to share my wondeful life with. I loved having everybody from the different parts of my life in one place at one time in such a beautiful place. There are so many really funny moments coming back to me: Linda and the Red Bull on her back, Joanna's tales of her flying circus, and Storm's "MOVE!". Anyway, enough gushing. But thank you thank you thank you.

One piece of housecleaning: send me your pictures. I never quite got around to getting those wedding-themed disposable cameras on each tables and I want to see your best shots. John The Hot Photographer will send me his pix, and I will post some of them here, but send me your cool ones in the meantime. I'm not sure my beleaguered work email server can handle massive emails, so it might be better if you upload them to Picasa or the Costco website and send me the link so I can link them. If you are feeling industrious you can send me the pix on a CD. As if you havent done enough work already.

Ok I have to get back to L&O now. Its the one with Joe Piscopo as the evil radio talk show host.

But snark-free
No bullshit

Thanks.

Triangle of Life

I have no idea if this guy's strategies are correct, but I pass on in case it ever becomes relevant to you.

EXTRACT FROM DOUG COPP'S ARTICLE ON THE: "TRIANGLE OF LIFE"
My name is Doug Copp. I am the Rescue Chief and Disaster Manager of the American Rescue Team International (ARTI), the world's most experienced rescue team. The information in this article will save lives in an earthquake.

I have crawled inside 875 collapsed buildings, worked with rescue teams from 60 countries, founded rescue teams in several countries, and I am a member of many rescue teams from many countries.I was the United Nations expert in Disaster Mitigation for two years. I have worked at every major disaster in the world since 1985, except for simultaneous disasters.

The first building I ever crawled inside of was a school in Mexico City during the 1985 earthquake. Every child was under its desk. Every child was crushed to the thickness of their bones. They could have survived by lying down next to their desks in the aisles. It was obscene, unnecessary and I wondered why the children were not in the aisles. I didn't at the timeknow that the children were told to hide under something.

Simply stated, when buildings collapse, the weight of the ceilings falling upon the objects or furniture inside crushes these objects, leaving a space or void next to them. This space is what I call the "triangle of life". The larger the object, the stronger, the less it will compact. The less the object compacts, the larger the void, the greater the probability that the person who is using this void for safety will not be injured. The next time you watch collapsed buildings, on television, count the "triangles" you see formed. They are everywhere. It is the most common shape, you will see, in a collapsed building.

TIPS FOR EARTHQUAKE SAFETY

1) Most everyone who simply "ducks and covers" WHEN BUILDINGS COLLAPSE are crushed to death. People who get under objects, like desks or cars, are crushed.
2) Cats, dogs and babies often naturally curl up in the fetal position.You should too in an earthquake. It is a natural safety/survival instinct. You can survive in a smaller void. Get next to an object, next to a sofa, next to a large bulky object that will compress slightly but leave a void next to it.
3) Wooden buildings are the safest type of construction to be in during an earthquake. Wood is flexible and moves with the force of the earthquake. If the wooden building does collapse, large survival voids are created.Also, the wooden building has less concentrated, crushing weight. Brick buildings will break into individual bricks. Bricks will cause many injuries but less squashed bodies than concrete slabs.
4) If you are in bed during the night and an earthquake occurs, simply roll off the bed. A safe void will exist around the bed. Hotels can achieve a much greater survival rate in earthquakes, simply by posting a sign on The back of the door of every room telling occupants to lie down on the floor, next to the bottom of the bed during an earthquake.
5) If an earthquake happens and you cannot easily escape by getting out the door or window, then lie down and curl up in the fetal position next to a sofa, or large chair.
6) Most everyone who gets under a doorway when buildings collapse is killed. How? If you stand under a doorway and the doorjamb falls forward or backward you will be crushed by the ceiling above. If the door jam falls sideways you will be cut in half by the doorway. In either case, you will be killed!
7) Never go to the stairs. The stairs have a different "moment of frequency" (they swing separately from the main part of the building).The stairs and remainder of the building continuously bump into each other until structural failure of the stairs takes place. The people who get on stairs before they fail are chopped up by the stair treads – horribly mutilated. Even if the building doesn't collapse, stay away from the stairs. The stairs are a likely part of the building to be damaged. Even if the stairs are not collapsed by the earthquake, they may collapse later when overloaded by fleeing people. They should always be checked for safety, even when the rest of the building is not damaged.
8) Get Near the Outer Walls Of Buildings Or Outside Of Them If Possible - It is much better to be near the outside of the building rather than the interior. The farther inside you are from the outside perimeter of the building the greater the probability that your escape route will be blocked.
9) People inside of their vehicles are crushed when the road above falls in an earthquake and crushes their vehicles; which is exactly what happened with the slabs between the decks of the Nimitz Freeway. The victims of the San Francisco earthquake all stayed inside of their vehicles. They were all killed. They could have easily survived by getting out and sitting or lying next to their vehicles. Everyone killed would have survived if they had been able to get out of their cars and sit or lie next to them. All the crushed cars had voids 3 feet high next to them, except for the cars that had columns fall directly across them.
10) I discovered, while crawling inside of collapsed newspaper offices and other offices with a lot of paper, which does not compact.Large voids are found surrounding stacks of paper. [ed. newspaper is not dead!]

Pegapalooza!

Happy 4-0 Peg! I attended her gala party at the Avalon Hotel over the weekend. Much celebrating was had by all and I even bought a new frock (which made me look a little like Mrs Roper, but oh well). Sadly, my husband and I were escorted out by security before the party ended, but as I explained to the a-hole security guy, the bra in the pool was not mine.

The next day was spent lying in a darkened room and a Battlestar Galactica tivo-a-thon.

Gentrification = Frozen Yogurt

Anyone watching "Cranford" on PBS? I like a lot. I know...I'm hopeless...

If you are planning coming to the festivities out west, please give me a shout if you are coming to the Thursday BBQ. REM is playing at the Hollywood Bowl that night and parking will be a nightmare. I will try to organize some sort of carpooling. There's also some back routes for you to take to avoid the crazy traffic. Sigh.

Iain has been driving to work so I'm walking to work. Obviously the extra physical activity is probably good. Plus, I am getting a real street-level view of Hollywood. I walk down Hollywood Boulevard/Walk of Stars which sounds good. In reality, the Walk of Stars is a collection of grim tshirt and drug paraphernalia shops and smells like urine most of the time. Ah the smell of urine in the morning...brings me right back to London. And Brooklyn. Hollywood is supposedly gentrifying quickly, and there are a shocking number of fancy frozen yogurt shops, but there is very little glamour.

Mama likes grits

Picture above of us at Dodger game yesterday. Lovely day, but a couple setbacks: a woman sitting in front of us got hit in the face by a ball (Happy Mother's Day!) and her face exploded; it was far too sunny and my scalp is sunburned; and the Dodgers sucked ass. Still, the beer was free, thanks to my most generous employer. .

I was in Hotlanta last week for a work do held at the Georgia Aquarium. One of the conference rooms was attached to, yes, the shark tank. We all went bowling at night. There are pictures of me in a bowling shirt that makes me look like a lesbian Laverne De Fazio, if that's not redundant. I did get to spend time with friends from London (Sonia, Meara, Penny) which was awesome. We had a girls night out at a restaurant called Two Urban Licks: I had the scallops with smoked gouda grits and a Amador county Zin. Mmmm grits. Mama likes grits.



The jacaranda trees are in bloom in Los Angeles now. They have these massive totally surreal purple flowers. Showoffs.

The Anti-Bucket List

Things I’ve never done

- Heroin
- Watched a Woody Allen movie willingly
- Worn a tube top
- Cried when I don’t really mean it
- Eaten a bug (knowingly)
- Read a Thomas Friedman editorial and said to myself “wow!”
- Gone rock climbing
- Ordered something “extra spicy”

Crazed Vicious Animal Trifecta!

First the Killer Grizzly Bear, then the Man-eating Great White Shark, and today...I get this email from one of our editors:


"Ok it’s not a dingo but here’s the deal:

According to KCAL, a 14 month year old girl was playing at Alterra park in the City of Chino Hills when the nanny turned around and saw what she calls a coyote attacking the child.

They don’t have any other information at this time except to say there doesn’t seem to be much of a scene except an empty playground.

We’ll continue to monitor-"

UPDATE: I'm not f-ing around here, people. Here's the official press release from the police.

"SUMMARY:
On Friday, May 2, 2008, at approximately 10:30 a.m., a two-year old female toddler was playing in the sandbox at Altura Park in the City of Chino Hills. She was in the care of her babysitter. The babysitter suddenly heard her cry, looked up, and saw a lone coyote had bitten the toddler on the buttocks and was attempting to carry her away in its mouth. The babysitter grabbed the child and pulled it away from the coyote’s grasp. After the toddler was freed, the coyote ran off into the nearby brush. Chino Hills Deputies, along with San Bernardino County Animal Control conducted an area check for the coyote however they were unable to locate the animal. California State Fish and Game responded to the scene in an attempt to capture the animal.

The toddler sustained two small puncture wounds to the right buttocks area. She was transported to a local area hospital by paramedics for medical evaluation and treatment."

Laura - PorkChop better WATCH OUT. He's awfully succulent.

O!

From Leslie:

"Hey guys....I'm making my world premier on the Oprah show!
Tune in for a good laugh THIS Tuesday April 29th!
Weird.
Leslie"

Check it out!

Its not me, its you.

I know its a surprise, but I think it is time to break up. Yes, I am no longer in love with America's Next Top Model. It's not like I just figured out that whole thing is like watching a live feed of a lasik surgery: that's why I like the show! No, the mystery is gone. I've figured out all the tricks on the show and like Tyra said to the expellee this week, its like they have given up trying. So here are those evil tricks they play in case you or someone you love is ever a contestant on the show.

ANTM Rules and Regulations:

1. If Tyra asks you if you are sad, have a problem, or need help, SAY NO. She will use it against you.

2. If you describe yourself as a relatively well-adjusted person who doesnt like the "drama" in the house, you will lose. Do not admit that to anyone, especially your size 2 new BFF currently barfing in the one shared bathroom.

3. It helps if you randomly scream like a banshee every time someone says "TyraMail".

4. You have to have a backstory: were you homeless? a battered girlfriend? Mormon? All of these are acceptable and will allow you to be sufficiently inspirational.

5. It helps if you run around the house naked. But dont be a lesbian. Too edgy for the panel.

6. Do not ever utter the poison words: "I think I really rocked that photoshoot".

7. You need to be bitchy enough to be worth keeping around to see what your latest outrage will be, but not so bitchy that you will turn off the sponsors.

8. You should defecate Cover Girl Queen Collection.

Gratuitous cute pictures of Princess & PorkChop

They just get cuter...

Bear Bites Man

Only in LA moment...the lead last night on the local news:

"Famous movie bear kills a man! That story, next"

Like the bear was OJ or something.

Everybody likes spicy sausage balls!

I spent the weekend at my Mom's with the intention of making sausage for The Party. Sadly, or Fortuitously depending on your opinion, we were plagued with disasters from the word go. First the sausage machine we bought for the occasion was a piece of crap. Second, the old sausage machines were and continued to be crap and unusable. Third, Schulze the Sausage King gave us the wrong casings: sheep intestines instead of pig intestines (too thin). Being infinitely resourceful ladies, we decided to salvage what we could and make little cocktail meatballs out of the tasty sausage. Everyone likes meatballs, right?!

I also got a chance to try out New Sammy's Cowboy Bistro, which I had been curious about since I found out about it. According to some, it is one of best restaurants in the West. It is owned and run by a couple from SF - she used to work at Chez Panisse and he was a wine importer. They had a very well-regarded restaurant north of SF, but it crashed and burned rather spectacularly and they ran to Oregon with creditors and the IRS nipping at their heels. Now, NSCB is supposed to be a down-home French-style bistro where they grow most of the herbs and veg out back. Mom had a bad experience there some years ago (attitude!), so she has not been back. I finally convinced her to give it another shot.

Disappointing, in a word. My starter, grilled calamari stuffed w dungeness crab and rhubarb-kumquat relish, was boring and flavorless. I had lamb loin chops (gristly and tough) with blackmint risotto for my main. Both would have been ok if Mom had made them at home, but they were both expensive so I sort of hoped the dishes would get up off the plate and do a little dance for me. Mom and Victor ordered a goat cheese ravioli with wild leeks and served with a truffle flan. Except there was no truffle flan. Then the response when asked was "oh there was a miscommunication between me [the server] and the kitchen" - I file that response under "Your Problem/Not Mine". The answer in this situation is always "Sorry, how can I make you feel less like we just pulled a fast one on you". Anyway, by that time we were underwhelmed by the whole experience (although the suggested Cotes du Rhone with the lamb was fab) so we skipped dessert (! I know!) and toddled off. Ashland has much nicer comparably priced restaurants to put up with that drama. I shant be back.

On a separate note, some people have asked me about a friend of mine who is currently going through a bit of a tough time. He's ok. Thanks for asking.

Look out below!

Yep that's Victor on the stretcher and my mom kneeling. He was hit by a car this weekend while riding his bike. He's dented, but fine. You can read the whole story here. The silver lining, the newspaper thought he was 51!

My Unruly Brows

While receiving a pedicure today, the woman asked if I would like a eyebrow wax as well.

No. Thank you. I'm fine.

No. You're not. Your eyebrows are so long, they cover your eyes.

You be the judge.

I *heart* Jyoti

The Surge continues

No end in sight, indeed. If the Senate held hearings on my diet, then this is what they would say:

Gen David Petraeus: "Like Ambassador Crocker, I believe [Rachel's paunch] will require a long-term effort. There are no easy answers or quick solutions. And although we both believe this effort can succeed, it will take time."

Ryan Crocker, Amb to Iraq: "I do believe that [Rachel] has the will to tackle [her] pressing problems - although it will take longer than we originally anticipated because of the environment, [wine and chocolate], and the gravity of the issues before [her]."

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.: "Today it is possible to talk with real hope and optimism about the future of [Rachel's ass] and the outcome of her efforts there. For while the job of [making her ass smaller] is not finished, ...she's no longer staring into the abyss of defeat and we can now look ahead to the genuine prospect of [a trim ass]."

Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill. : "The problem I have is if the definition of success is so high: no traces of [cellulite] and no possibility of reconstitution, a highly effective [workout program], Democratic multiethnic, multi-sectarian functioning [flat abs], ... then that portends the possibility of [her dieting] for 20 or 30 years. If, on the other hand, our criteria is a messy, sloppy [size 16] status quo but there's not, you know, huge outbreaks of [fried foods] ... that seems to me an achievable goal within a measurable timeframe."

Real Estate Porn

Iain calls Jane Austen "Rachel crack". I know. I know. But I just cant get enough. So of course I've been watching the Jane Austen stuff on PBS. This version of Sense & Sensibility is adapted by Andrew Davies who also did the BBC version of Pride & Predjudice. The funny thing that struck me about both is the real estate porn. In S&S, there's a sequence where Willoughby the Cad takes Marianne to the estate he will inherit from his aunt. She runs her hands lovingly along the bannisters and they run through the empty rooms. He's trying to seduce her by showing her his very large real estate portfolio (and it works). In P&P there's a scene where Elizabeth Bennett first sees Mr Darcy's estate and, in Davies' adaptation, literally thinks "wow that's a big house, maybe this guy isnt as bad as I thought..." I am not familiar enough with the original texts to know if Austen is that literal in the books, but obviously anyone living through the British real estate boom would recognize it in these adaptations.

Speaking of crack: Geekapalooza! Battlestar Galactica starts tonight!

Iain's Map of LA

Click on the map to make it larger.

An Open Love Letter to Michael Bay

Dear Michael Bay.

I love you. Your asteroid movie was definitely the best one. Pearl Harbor introduced the US to Kate Beckinsale, and she seems to have done quite nicely out of it. The Rock was fun, seriously (except the bit where all the good guys get shot on Alcatraz – that was mean). ScarJo looked amazing in that white jumpsuit in The Island. I liked Transformers, even if sometimes I couldn’t tell who was a bad robot and who was a good robot. I don’t believe anything I read on the web about your management style. I think you are fierce – in the Tyra Banks, America’s Next Top Model-way.

That is all.

Love, Me

When Farmer's Markets Attack

I've become flush with success on my Farmer's Market meals. Sunday's Zuni Roast Chicken salad using the lovely fresh arugula and Strawberry-Rhubarb crisp for dessert was total yummm. Sadly, last night my run ended....

Percatelli with grilled sardines, garlic breadcrumbs, and blood oranges. A Nigel Slater recipe. It was foul. Rank. Blech. It tasted like the pasta was tossed in fishy sand with a bitter warm blobs to charm it up. I dont think it was my fault (recipe clearly flawed) and I refuse to take responsibility.

Hopefully tonight's spring pea and prosciutto risotto will compensate.

The Jessica Biel of Sushi

Friday is a favorite night around the McBrown house. Friday is SUSHI NIGHT. Our little mini-tradition dates back to The Surge when I could not bear to cook another boneless skinless chicken breast the size of a pack of cards and longed to go to a restaurant like a normal person. If we went to a normal restaurant, I would run the risk of capitulating to the terrorists/calories, so sushi was the answer.

LA is, of course, saturated by sushi. We have 3 local favorites: Shintaro, Sushi Ike, and Katsu-ya. Shintaro is at the base of our hill in a very unlovely strip mall - good sushi, and excellent fusion appetizers. Sushi Ike is really old school sushi (no crazy rolls) in a really grim strip mall off Hollywood Blvd. Katsu-ya has 3 outposts - one new fancy trendy one in Hollywood, one old fancy trendy one in Brentwood, and one not fancy or trendy at all (yep, in a strip mall) in Studio City. We go to the unfancy one. Terrific sushi and they clearly put some sort of highly-addictive psychotropic drug in the spicy rock shrimp tempura because once I start, I. Must. Keep. Consuming. Spicy. Rock. Shrimp. Tempura.

They are all mildly amusing in their way. If Katsu-ya was an actress, she'd be Marilu Henner - someone who was cool once, and is very well-preserved, but kind of faded. The Katsu-ya in Brentwood would be Cameron Diaz and Hollywood would be Jessica Biel (or maybe someone a little more a-list.). My beloved Shintaro, with all its hipster Asian hottie waitresses and strip mall ambience is sort of Ellen Page-y. Sushi Ike is a little more challenging - like Adam Goldberg - who I actually saw there once. Jeez I'm bored today. I could do this for hours.

Mrs. Party Grumpy is won over by sugar and hydrogenated fats

Ok, so maybe I was being a grump. I actually had a really fun time at the dessert tasting. In the midst of my sugar poisoning, I acquiesed to a truly pornographic dessert table. It will be a mix of mini cupcakes and mini dessert "shots" in the following flavors:

Cupcakes: Meyer Lemon Raspberry, Red Velvet, Spicy Carrot, Black & White

Mini Dessert shots: Triple Berry Shortcake, Key Lime Pie, Dirt Pie

I just really like the idea of having DIRT PIE at my party. heh heh heh.

Princess Di aint got nothing on me

I am deep in party planning and let me tell you, this is going to be the event to end all events. This is going to make a royal wedding look austere. I'm talking naked models painted gold, 1000 white doves, fois gras hotdogs for all.

Well, not really.

I am finding the wedding industry incredibly dispiriting, so am skipping most of it. I have the advantage of not actually getting married, so can skip things. I met with the florist - nice, seems to be able to stick to a rather tight budget. Here's the one I liked best from her book. Too bright? Do I care? I dont know. I'm meeting w the dessert woman today. This is an excuse to eat lots of gooey things - and to think that Iain does not want to come with. Check it out here and let me know if there's anything that looks especially good to you. Next, I am sorting out transport. Very glamorous, this wedding shit.

Iain is doing amazingly well, thanks to all who have asked. He can be a total infant when he gets a cold, but he has turned into Clint f-ing Eastwood after this surgery. He REFUSES to take the prescribed Vicodin (relax - its already spoken for) because he has this ridiculous belief that "pain is your body trying to tell you something". Personally, I'm pretty sure we dont need his body to send us an email and know why his knee hurts. THEY CUT IT OPEN. Oh well - its his pain, not mine.

Breaking Sewage News
Iain has just informed me that the men digging up our sewer outside have hit a power line. The neighborhood is rioting in the street in their nightgowns (or as much as a bunch of second assistant directors and out of work screenwriters in nightgowns can riot at 1030am). I asked him to take pictures of the hilarity for your blog pleasure, but he trotted out the damn knee excuse. What a poser.

Up to Date

A catch all entry with no unifying theme. But here ya go:

We went to dinner last Saturday night at a yakitori (Japanese BBQ) to celebrate friend Rachel's bday. Nice food, but there is something disconcerting about a menu with multiple entrail offerings. I am a relatively adventurous eater, but there's not a lot about grilled chicken knuckle cartilage that reaches out to me.

The Hollywood Farmer's Market is in full Spring mode. I'm very excited about the leeks and swiss chard. I attempted to recreate the Platonic Ideal Grilled Cheese with the leeks and some Montgomery Cheddar from La Brea Bakery. MMMM. I roasted some tomatoes and used the swiss chard in my go-to dish of Grandma Sausages braised in wine with wild mushroom polenta (the dried porcinis from the Portland Farmer's Market). Iain juiced the beets before I could get my sweaty hands on them. The fun veg is not in yet, but you can see the glimmer of what's coming!

Iain has surgery on his old man knees tomorrow. Wish him luck!

RIP The Wire. Finales are always a bit of a disappointment, but this was still pretty true to the overarching theme: life is messy and shit doesnt work. SPOILER ALERT if you have not watched, stop now. I loved the way they ended the Marlo storyline, although I could not quite buy that he would just walk away from it. I did love the savage licking the blood off his arm after being shot - he's just an animal in the end. I was disappointed that they let McNulty off the hook completely but I suppose after all this time the writers had fallen a little bit in love with him. The Wire can be so difficult to watch, I guess you cant begrudge them for giving some of the characters a happy-ish ending. Dukie...oh that storyline really bums me out. One upside of The Wire ending is that we dont have to watch Dukie commit suicide in slow motion with a needle in his arm.

I am falling more and more in love with Lost every week. I was never a huge fan, but this season has really won me over. I think Lost is a little like golf - you probably enjoy it more if you are better at it or have been watching it since the beginning, but you can still enjoy it if you are just jumping in now. I also believe smart shows should be rewarded.

Another one to watch out for: the Sarah Connor Chronicles really perked up towards the end of its first season. I think it might end up being pretty good.

That's it for now.

The Hangover

I'm still suffering the after-effects of the Oscars, and I dont mean my orangifying. After an incredibly interesting weekend, everything else seems too dull to drone on about. But hey - I'll drone anyway.

We went to a birthday dinner for friend Faith at a new fancypants brasserie in LA called Comme Ca. Actually its not that fancypants, but people seem to like it which means fancypants LA people go. Let's just say, I wore heels. Annnnyway I had the brandade to start and the duck for a main - both very good renditions, but not life-changing. Matthew won most ballsy, ordering the roasted beef marrow with oxtail jam starter (mmm cholesterol-ly!) and Steve won for most ostentatious with a truly ridiculous seafood plateau. Fun!

Sunday we saw "Vantage Point". Check your brain at the door. For the record, I am a tedious person to see a movie about the television news industry with. The only redeeming quality the movie had was detaching me from a Sunday morning "America's Next Top Model" marathon that threatened to consume my soul. I cant figure out if Tyra Banks is an empowering role model or an evil cyborg sent to usher in a heartless-but-fierce robot age.

Is anyone watching "Lost"? Last week's was super good - love me some Desmond.